The rest of my letters

Some girls asked me to post the rest of my letters here on the blog, so here you go,,

I hope you enjoy readying,,, 

Dear students,,,

Your heart ,,,,,yes your heart,,, let’s talk about it a little.

Every week I find it really easy to write you something,,,but this week it was really hard ,,,though I had my fair share of deep sleep, chocolate, and plenty of peace of mind but still I kept thinking of a topic to write for my girls ,,,ran away to the countryside and observed nature ,,,still nothing came out. But finally, here I am, at exactly half an hour before the mid night of Saturday talking about your hearts to go as a Sunday letter.

Why yours not mine? Well,, maybe because mine is worn out and yours is fresh ,,,mine has gone half the way and yours is still at the beginning.

Maybe because I don’t want you to go through what I had to go thorough when I was your age. Hearts are really delicate and tough at the same time, easily broken and hard to handle,,, surprisingly unpredictable yet very typical.

Are you taking really good care of your hearts? Do you know when it beats fast and why?

Your heart is the most precious instrument you will ever own, you will use it for crying, loving, aching, capturing all the sweet moments in your life and you will use it for praying.

You will put your hand across it when words betray you and you are speechless and you will automatically hold your newborn against it.

So, do you know how to use it? Do you know how to love? When and whom? Do you know that once you exploit it, it never functions the same? Do you know how to revive it? And do you listen to what it says? Do you know that God looks straight into your heart not your face? YOUR heart not any other thing. YOUR heart not the amount of your good deeds.

Do you know that jealousy, greed and hatred have no place in a pure heart? That too much music slips through till there is no place for God`s words.

So next time when you listen to your heart beats, make sure to listen carefully, make sure to make it presentable since it’s your passport to heaven.

Make sure to save it for the one special person in your life that you would truly call (Galbee) let them deserve the title.

Save your heart,,, after all ,,,,you owe your heart your whole life,,,,,

                                                                                                                                                                              Love you all

         T. Binoz   21.April.2012

Dear students,,,

What do you want? You don’t have to answer now just wait till you finish reading maybe I can help you decide.

 At the early formation of your characters you will want lots of things ,,things ,,things and more things. When you just start thinking you know how this world functions your needs change and you concentrate on values  ,,, feelings ,,,people and stability.

I really want to have that handy dandy pink kitchen aid mixer ,,, along with the full Wilton cake decorating kit ,,,above all that, I will sure want a professional camera that is worth more than 3000 JDs.

A new car would be nice with free fuel fill ups every week,,,, and don’t even let me start talking about a five star vacation to the most magical place on earth,,, the Maldives .

Then again when I come to think of what I really want I would choose good health  ,, wisdom ,, peace of mind ,,, success and to be surrounded by my loved ones all the time.

So what do you really want?   Don’t answer now,,,

If you happen to be normal, then I won’t be surprised if you asked for things, I won’t be surprised if you wanted the impossible to happen in no time ,,,if you wanted to change people and move mountains.

I won’t be surprised if you didn’t know what you wanted, it’s not your fault ,,I  know a lot of people who still don’t know ! Don’t feel guilty!

Life goes on and your needs change as you grow up,,, you believe you want something really bad but then again it’s not that important  ,,,,,but there is this one thing you would still want no matter life changes you and how old you become ,, ,there has to be this one thing that you want ….whether a teen or an adult ,,,a young lady or a mature mom,, ,it doesn’t change.

What do your parents want from you? What do your friends want from you? What obligation burdens you at school from the massive amount of (I want) that teachers demand?

What do YOU want?  Don’t answer now,,,,,

What does God want from you? You think you know? ,,,I used to think I knew,,

I always thought that God wanted me to pray a lot,,, be good and never gossip! And forgive the taxi driver whom splashed me with filthy water the other day,,,(I’m working on all the mentioned ,,,but still can’t forgive the dude who ruined my day with stains of "Majaree" water all over my new jilbab,,,I have to be a saint to forgive him,,, unfortunately I’m not !! ) Of course those are things on a long list of living well and worshiping Him perfectly,,,, but what does God really want from me, you, us and every human being He created?

God,,,, what do You want?

The answer came to me as simple as the question ,,, it was not in a form of worship ,, demand or dos and don’ts…..

( يريد الله ليبين لكم ويهديكم سنن اللذين من قبلكم ويتوب عليكم والله عليمٌ حكيم(26) والله يريد ان يتوب عليكم ويريد اللذين يتبعون الشهوات أن تميلوا ميلاً عظيماَ(27) يريد الله ان يخفف عنكم وخلق الانسان ضعيفاً(28) ) النساء

So now you tell me ,,,,, what do you want?

With all my love,,,,,

T. Binoz

28. April.2013

Dear students,

I have this notebook that contains dates of my children's firsts,,,,

Sultan`s first day of school, Sultan and Maryam`s first Eid prayer at the mosque, first rides on bikes, first tooth to grant to the fairy, first show and tell ,first home work, first trip on a plane,,, and the list goes on and on.

When I come to think of it I always romanticize the idea of their weddings,,, I mean the wedding data show should be a hit and the pics should go with dates that people would gasp and say: "ya salam!! How amazing this mom is, she kept a record!" Don't you think?  :p

It got me hocked up so well that I'm afraid it turned into an obsession, it's the desire to seize every memory I have with them let alone wanting to capture laughter and happiness through camera lenses, imagining how great of a pause that would be if only I had the camera with me,,,,

(I have a future in photography I promise :p my dad is a professional photographer that forgot to hand down the right genes to his daughters,, that's why I forget the camera)

Then I came to realize that while I was preoccupied in the frenzy of catching memories, I'm losing the real moment, forgetting to live the day by its highs and lows ,,

I realized that not pausing for the perfect picture and not writing any dates on a notebook might be the best way to create a memory because the most precious ones are those of ordinary days that went by without perks or milestones or even great pauses that tempt even a lousy photographer like myself.

live your firsts!

live them fully as to remember them not to memorize them,, live your firsts through your feelings and emotions  with all the people that were there to share with you,,,, live your firsts as tomorrow might never come,,, live your firsts through your eyes not your camera lenses,,, make the best out of them ,,,

For I'm afraid a day might come when you live in a world that requires a notebook like mine coupled with crap memory also like mine to register memories and firsts of you and your loved ones.

I love you all

and yes I'm back

T. Binoz

Sunday

8th ,Sep,2013

Dear students,

Liana is one of the few people I will never forget in my life. She taught me the most precious lesson any one could ever teach me: "Not to judge!" I'm still learning though.

I have never in my life seen a person so intimidating like Liana. She was easily recognized in the university as the "black girl", not referring to her complexion but to her wardrobe! she always ALWAYS wore black.

Black skirts with black tops with black bags with black accessories along with her black hair, she was more like a wandering raven I thought back then.

She had her nose pierced and held her hair in a bun most of the time, you couldn't help but notice her whenever she passed by and the credit was for the dull yet bold color she deliberately wore every single day.

At the back of my mind I wondered what sort of life this girl has and what had gotten her into screaming out her personality in such a way !!  I also included her in my prayers thinking subconsciously that I was in a better place, I prayed, fasted, read Quran so of course I'm a "good girl" compared to this Gothic figure that reminded me of singers in heavy metal bands . She needed all the help I could offer, I thought,  even if it was in the form of a silent prayer.

One day, at the end of a late writing class we shared together, I offered Liana a ride home, I didn't think she would agree but to my amazement she did!

In the car it really felt awkward because I didn't know what sort of a conversation we would both have, but she turned out to be a normal person just like anyone else. Actually, she was sweeter than most of my colleagues.

 I could hear Maghreb prayer calling as a background rhythm and she started looking for something in her bag.Just before we reached her home Liana took out praying clothes out of her bag and sighed in relief that she didn't forget them in the uni.

And for the first time in two years I saw the reflection of another color on Liana, the white praying clothes made a controversy with the black she used to wear.

 White was more like a truce actually compensating  all the mourning she did since I have known her .Liana taught me without uttering a single word that I was far away from being  a "good girl" !

Don't we all tend to judge others? It's like a default system in our heads, we scan people in less than a minute and give judgments based on what we see from the outside.

I didn't give Liana a chance, she did,,,, she didn't judge me !

let's give people a chance, no one is perfect and who told you that angles are always white? They might as well be black !

love you all

T. Binoz

Sunday

22,Sep,2013

The Second Letter ,,

Dear students,

When I got my first watch I was in third grade,,, “This is the best thing that ever happened to me!”  was the first thing I said ,,,then when I first travelled to Europe I was 17,,,this is the best thing that ever happened to me!  was also the common phrase ,,,,I will never forget the first time I walked  in the campus of the university of Jordan ,,,,feeling independent, vibrant, goal oriented…and free! This is the best thing that ever happened to me! Was what I said.

Driving for the first time, was the best thing that ever happened to me,,, having my own car was the best thing that ever happened to me,,, and then again meeting prince charming, the wedding and everything that followed was the best thing that ever happened to me,,,       Well, OK, prince charming is no longer charming now since he is the one responsible for taking the trash out, buying grocery, cleaning my car and in very rare occasions, babysitting the (grood).

This is the best thing that ever happened to me was first said when I saw my son`s tiny face for the first time,,,, this is the best thing that ever happened to me was said when the gynecologist told me, “You are having a baby girl!”, finally some pink around the house!

This is the best thing that ever happened to me was said when I first had the yummiest cheesecake in town, yeah I love food and auntie Hanadi knows what she`s doing J it was said when I lost 8 pounds a month ago, and when I had 3 cakes for my 30^th birthday.

So what was the BEST for me? Is it a moment, a person or a thing?

To be honest, I came to think that there is no BEST! Not because life keeps giving me lemons, or because I’m the happiest person on Earth and can’t choose what is best, but it’s the realization that happiness is not in things, people or momentarily feelings.

Happiness is inside; I take it with me where ever I go. Happiness is in success, peace of mind and serenity.

Happiness is never gained when you don’t believe, when you don’t pray, when you don’t see beauty and when you don’t learn from your mistakes.

Happiness, believe me, is not a thing   ,,,,,,,it`s inside  each and every one of you.

                                                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                                                          With love,

                                                                                                                                                          T. Binoz    

                                                                                                                                                        14^th of April 2013

Quality time with "Yourself"

Do you enjoy the company of yourself? 
If yes,,, then you sure don't mind being alone,,and there is a big difference in being alone and being lonely!
I decided to have some quality time with myself this weekend,,it has been hectic this week and I was so longing for a time out.
First thing that popped into my head was having breakfast ALONE ,,,in my favorite cafe,,indulge in some heavenly dessert afterwards,,also ALONE !! 
So I dropped the kids in the new Quran learning center they started to attend (will tell you all about it later inshalla) and headed for my place,,,
It was nice to be honest and the two hours went fast and I lost track of time,,,
My ALONE time was not that alone though,,it should always include some chores I have to finish or correcting that has to be done before a deadline,,this time it was the massive amount of notebooks I took with me to the cafe,,the waiter gave me that sympathetic look and mentioned that I reminded him of his dad whom used to be a teacher and was always among piles of notebooks,,,thank you Mr.Waiter :P
I enjoyed the company of myself and I enjoyed the company of my ever- non- parting notebooks,,,they always keep me occupied during hard times.
The Bonaffee pie was also supreme.

The perks of being a teacher

Would be in having sweet notes from amazing young ladies and have them put on my fridge that I use as a motivational board and wake up each and every morning to that great amount of love and encouragement.

My letters to my students

I teach English for some mischievous  amazing teenagers,,

Every single school year I start with the same grumpy attitude, hating to remember how many notebooks I have to correct , how many exams I have to make and how many early mornings I have to conquer.

It`s overwhelming BUT there comes a moment when I totally fall in love with a class I'm teaching,,they impress me with their brains and I always fall for brains.

I have great hopes in youth, I believe they will make the change we couldn't.

So I started to write them letters every other Sunday, I hang it in their classroom bulletin boards and just love it when they say they have read it.

Sharing my letters here and hoping to hear some feed back.

First letter 

• Dear students, I always have crazy ideas, that’s why people think I’m weird. Well, to tell you the truth, I also have my doubts But the weirdest thing that`s been roaming in my head lately was this: writing letters to my beloved students! In a world that rarely cares about letters and seldom pays attention to papers on walls, here I am trying to grab your attention to some ideas in my head, insights about life and lots and lots of love to share. Most of you know me as English Teacher Sumaya Bino (I heard a rumor that I’m being called T. Binoz, and frankly I like the nick) I taught half of you and probably yelled at almost every single girl in the school, ,you know,,, we teachers tend to get nasty sometimes but let me introduce myself again ,, maybe this time you will like me more,, I am Sumaya Bino an English teacher in your glorious school (giggles),,, I have been teaching for like 4 years now and to be honest, that was not my dream job. I wanted a job with minimum work hours and maximum pay ,,,, ironically I ended up being a teacher. I graduated from a public high school, that’s why you brats will never get me with your attitude I have bugged teachers, annoyed friends, made gangs and drove my parents bananas being a very typical teenager, that’s why I understand most of you and know where you’re coming from. Actually, my mom had to come to school very often that we almost became buddies ,,, shared same books and sat together in the same desk,,, of course her visits were always to the principal’s office….MINE followed I’m 30, dreaded it till I discovered it’s the most rewarding age,,, plenty of wisdom and happiness around me that I’m actually loving it ,,, ,I will be very positive and not mention the 2 white hairs I discovered at the hair salon the other day ,, I almost punched the poor lady on her face when she mentioned them while blow drying my hair. I also won’t mention how hard it is to lose weight at this age and how I’m now (whether I like it or not) compelled to buy anti age_ wrinkle _ revital _ reginerest blah blah blah creams for the wrinkles around my eyes. They cost a fortune and my visa can’t cover the budget ! Married and have two kids ,,,I refer to them as ( grood) will tell you why later on.

  I eat a lot ,,, sleep often and drink lots and lots of tea ,,, I’m a neat freak , and above all this I love crafting and baking. I wear high heels and walk bare foot in weddings when my feet get sore ,,,I eat nutella straight from the jar and when the kids nag that it`s empty I blame it on the hubby. I lie sometimes, miss Fajer at least once a month, yell at people when I’m mad, do spelling mistakes and drive like a crazy woman. I love the sun and hate all sorts of winter, cloudy, snowy and rainy,, and the classic notion of how cozy it is to be at home watching the rain through a foggy window while drinking hot chocolate will never fool me,,,, I HATE IT ! Sorry had to voice this up :p But one thing I’m very proud of ,,, is believe it or not ,,,being a teacher. It adds so much to my life that I want to quit so I won’t reach the part where it becomes dull and annoying ,,,told you I’m weird ! To be fair, I have to admit, I hate correcting writings and exam papers,,, I hate early mornings ,,and don’t tell me coffee fixes it because all the coffee beans in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. I hate “Munawebeh” day and I hate meetings! But,,,it`s that look in my students` eyes when they are enjoying a literature class that makes it worth the trouble ,,, the smiles and hugs they give me in the morning ,,,,the feeling of success and achievement given to them at the end of a very long nasty day ,,,, the tears I wipe with the back of my hand ,,,,,and the “I love yous” I hear every day that are rarely heard when you are 30 and living in a practical world. It’s all about genuine love, true friendship and working hard to be perfect just because someone might be looking at me as their role model ,,,,that really scares the hell out of me. So from now on,,,, you will be seeing a lot of me,,,, Letters from Teacher Sumaya each Sunday ,,,,I hope you will enjoy my letters as much as I enjoy writing them.

  With love,,,,,,,,,,,, T. Binoz 7th, April, 2013